Masochism Test

You’re hiking in the woods, enjoying the tranquility of nature. All of a sudden, you feel what every hiker dreads: a stone in the bottom of your shoe. How it got there is always a mystery of physics, but it’s there. Here’s a masochism test: What will you do now? How far will you walk with a stone in your shoe?

You have three remedial choices, in order of efficacy:

1. Immediately disrupt your hike to remove it, then resume hiking
2. Kick the ground until the stone shifts temporarily to a less-annoying location within the shoe, then resume hiking
3. Ignore the stone and hike in extreme pain.

Before deciding, you weigh the degree of pain with the inconvenience of stopping, finding a place to sit, and removing the shoe.

Let’s think about this. Eventually, it will be bedtime, when you’ll remove your shoes and the stone. Have you ever hiked with that pesky stone intact, even if the pain felt trivial at the time, only to discover ultimately that your foot is blistered, lacerated, infected, or all of the above? Who hasn’t.

As you gaze at the infection, you think, How stupid — I should have removed that stone immediately. By delaying the inevitable, I hurt myself and can’t hike anymore. Instead of taking five minutes out of my journey to eradicate the source of pain and injury, I’m now sidelined for one month.

Constant Pain of Conflict

This is precisely what people in relationships do. They’ve been taught — falsely — that opposites attract. True for magnets but not for people. Disagree? Ever listen to an “opposites” couple argue over everything under the Sun?

Choosing — worse, remaining with — an opposite is akin to purposely hiking with a stone in your shoe. It’s dysfunctional, irritating, and, over time, injurious.

People who gravitate to their opposites don’t like themselves very much. First, why would you want your opposite if you like yourself? Second, why would you want to self-inflict with the constant pain of conflict?

Eventually, people remove those stones in their shoes — either by physically leaving their incompatible partners or emotionally blocking them out. Sound familiar?

Chivalry Begets Incompatibility

On a hike, the stone enters a shoe by happenstance, not choice. In life, though, purposely putting a stone in your shoe, by choosing an incompatible mate, is masochism. In my NoNonsense Coaching, I encounter many clients who have walked miles with stones in their shoes, falsely believing that opposites attract.

The number-one reason people end up with stones in their shoes: chivalry. Chivalry begets incompatibility. Men chase and purchase women — that’s wining & dining, folks. Women find themselves with men who wore them down with persistence and/or “outbid” the other men.

How’s that working out for everybody? Just look at the number of broken engagements, broken vows, broken marriages, and out-of-wedlock births. Enough said. Men who buy women drinks in bars deserve stones in their shoes — because they have rocks in their heads.

The NoNonsense Bottom Line

Is she a stone in your shoe? If so, you put her there — through chivalry, the best “opposites” magnet on the planet. Maybe this happened when you were proposing to her on bended knee.

You have three remedial choices, in order of efficacy:

1. Remove her the instant you recognize the incompatibility, then resume living
2. Kick the proverbial can down the road by temporarily shifting her to a less-annoying location within your life, then resume living
3. Ignore the stone and live every day in extreme pain.

If you didn’t act on choice #1, the only wise choice, I have bad news: you passed the masochism test! She knows she’s a stone in your shoe, feels likewise, and is cheating on you. Worse, when she files for divorce, you’ll have the bloody foot.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov, The NoNonsense Man, is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, speaker, and author of 100+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727) and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). The 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence in Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” Mr. Rudov is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor and Your World with Neil Cavuto.

Rudov’s books, articles, radio/TV archives, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.

Copyright © 2009 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

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