Mirrors Don’t Lie

Mirrors don’t lie. What you see — both pleasing and repulsive — is what you present. The question one must ask himself, when looking into a mirror, is: Do I accept my reflection? If not, what will I do about it?

Two people who share a bed are mirrors, each reflecting the other’s self-esteem. In other words, the person on the next pillow reflects your self-esteem, and vice versa. People in relationships with healthy egos mutually adore, support, and reinforce each other.

Conversely, insecure folks choose, and too often keep, mates who bore or view them with indifference or disdain — as is consistent with repulsive mirror reflections — and have the highest likelihood of being unfaithful. This explains why 50%-60% of married men and women cheat on each other.

All Kinds of Experiences

Some things in life are reversible — the freezing and unfreezing of water — while others are not: putting toothpaste back in the tube, unringing the bell, unbaking the cake, and fixing a broken mirror. In my opinion, infidelity is a broken mirror.

Despite those who proclaim, after being caught in extramarital liaisons, that they will work on and fix their marriages, it cannot be done. The dynamic between the spouses is never the same again, because the foundation of trust is permanently cracked.

To wit: When Hillary Clinton took the oath of office as Secretary of State, she expressed appreciation to her family for their love and support. Then, while acknowledging her husband, she awkwardly said:

“I am so grateful to him for a lifetime of all kinds of experiences which have given me an extraordinary richness that I am absolutely beholden to and grateful for.”

Watch the video. Everybody in the room with Hillary and in front of a TV knew that, through her sarcasm, she had made a public dig at Bill for his infidelities. The foundation of trust is permanently cracked, and their disingenuous charade of staying together fools nobody.

Unrepairable Cracks

The point is, one cannot erase the permanent mental image of, nor the resulting emotional scar from, his or her cheating partner frolicking between another’s legs, and one should not pretend to try.

The pain from infidelity is transparent to all. From the point of transgression forward, the reflection of the cheater in the partner’s mirror will contain unrepairable cracks.

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you know that South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford, in a pathetic public display, admitted cheating on his wife Jenny and finding a soulmate, Maria Belen Chapur, in Argentina. People gasped and cringed at hearing and witnessing this immature confession.

But, Sanford is now miraculously ready to cast aside his soulmate from Buenos Aires to “try to fall back in love with his wife of 20 years.” He will rejoin his family for the July 4th weekend to “repair the damage he has done in his marriage,” as his wife Jenny is ready to forgive him.

Let’s break down the Sanford Saga:

1. We have no way of knowing whether Maria Belen Chapur is Mark Sanford’s soulmate, because he’s not in his right mind. But, assume that she is. Can Sanford now leave Maria, go back to Jenny, and totally forget Maria? No way.
2. Does Jenny Sanford really believe her husband will switch off Maria like a lightbulb, just because he’s “sorry” for his behavior? Only if she’s naive.
3. Why would Jenny Sanford forgive her husband for cheating, knowing that her marriage is permanently damaged? In the wedding vows, the “for worse” part of for better or for worse does not include infidelity. What does Jenny’s desire to forgive say about her self-esteem?
4. It is impossible to “try to fall in love” with anyone. Falling in love happens naturally, without effort, pressure, or coercion. Love either exists or it doesn’t.
5. Staying together “for the sake of the children” is a joke. The children see and know all, and engaging in a charade, for their sake, hurts them worse.

Did the Sanfords not observe the Clintons, the Spitzers, and many other couples? Is this not déjà vu all over again? Of course it is. These are not people with healthy egos. By staying together, they are prolonging everybody’s pain.

The NoNonsense Bottom Line

Once Sanford decided that his wife no longer satisfied him, he owed her the truth about his feelings and his decision to leave. Cheating is cowardly.

Every time Sanford looks into Jenny’s broken mirror, he will see the reflection of his infidelity. How long will he accept that reflection? How long will Jenny accept it?

Finally, Mark Sanford’s respect for Jenny will diminish because she lowered herself by taking him back. Eventually, both will learn that one cannot heal from or forget infidelity. The only remedy for a broken mirror is replacement.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov, The NoNonsense Man®, is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, speaker, and author of 100+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727) and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). The 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence in Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” Mr. Rudov is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor and Your World with Neil Cavuto.

Rudov’s books, articles, radio/TV archives, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.

Copyright © 2009 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 3rd, 2009 at 6:38 pm and is filed under TNNM, Vox Populi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. |  Print This Post