Disrespect and Manipulation

Humans are biologically wired for infidelity, we hear. Monogamy is an artificial lifestyle, they say. Men and women cheat on each other because they just can’t help themselves, right? Wrong.

People who respect and value themselves don’t cheat; moreover, they attract like-minded partners.

Infidelity is a choice — as obesity, substance abuse, and ignorance are choices. Infidelity is voluntary destructive and self-destructive behavior. But, given that at least half of all married men and women cheat on each other, why is it such a popular choice? In a word: chivalry.

Chivalry, as I defined three years ago in “Chivalry Died in the Garden of Eden,” is benevolent sexism, or BS — the province of insecure, immature men and women. Chivalrous men have two major deficiencies:

1. They don’t comprehend the strong female libido and foolishly pay to get laid; their female counterparts happily reward them with sex
2. They are unaware, or pretend to be unaware, that women collect the majority of college sheepskins and soon will dominate the landscape of corporate and government management (do the math). Nevertheless, in feeble attempts to feel manly, these eunuchs treat women like delicate flowers — and the women oblige them.

Chivalrous “relationships” — the antithesis of peer relationships — clearly begin on a footing of disrespect and manipulation: one cannot establish trust with another who is above or beneath him.

Limited Period of Usefulness

Infidelity, in chivalrous couples, is almost assured — one could say inevitable. That is why people who pledge “commitment” in such dysfunctional circumstances covet others almost immediately. Sound familiar?

When a man grovels for sex, he signals to his wife or girlfriend that she can easily manipulate him — and she’ll never find him sexually arousing (the biggest reason women cheat is for better sex). She’ll always view him, disdainfully, as a means to an end, with a limited period of usefulness.

By the same token, a man who purchases “eye candy” views her, condescendingly, as a means to an end, with a limited period of usefulness.

These players don’t love and admire each other, just use each other — a dynamic that occurs in most pairings (do the math). It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to conclude that people who don’t crave each other will stray. The inevitable infidelity occurs in three stages. Let’s explore them.

The Three Stages of Inevitable Infidelity

1. Dispensability: your limited period of usefulness has expired (e.g., you’ve provided her with children and financial security), and she begins pursuing others
2. Disinterest: she stops faking a desire to be in your company and does everything possible to avoid you
3. Deceit: she has affairs behind your back and constantly disguises her whereabouts.

Infidelity is inevitable when your so-called “partner” deems you a disposable means to an end. Some folks cheat for years and stay together, while playing a pathetic, transparent game of pulling the wool over each other’s eyes. This is beyond my comprehension. I’ve never cheated, ever. What for? Integrity is everything to me. When a relationship stops working, it’s time to exit — not cheat.

My objective in “Why Did She Choose You?” was to exhort men not to become involved with women until knowing why. If a man and woman cannot grill each other honestly, they’re too immature to commit. Indeed! The smoke-and-mirrors nature of chivalry promotes the very immaturity that begets infidelity.

The NoNonsense Bottom Line

One cannot prevent infidelity, only minimize it — by choosing his behaviors and partners carefully. But, he can all but guarantee infidelity by engaging in chivalry.

The price of chivalry — wining/dining, jewelry, trips, cars — is high; the price of infidelity — divorce, alimony, child support — is even higher. Yet, men keep paying and paying; women keep taking and taking. And, the duplicity keeps growing and growing.

Chivalry begets infidelity, inevitably: Excuse me, fine lady, may I buy you a drink? Let the cheating begin.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov, The NoNonsense Man®, is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, and author of 100+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727) and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). The 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence in Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” Mr. Rudov is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor.

Rudov’s books, articles, radio/TV archives, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.

Copyright © 2009 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 11th, 2009 at 12:49 pm and is filed under TNNM, Vox Populi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. |  Print This Post