Beware the January Divorce
by Marc H. RudovFlat Like Bad Champagne
Unlike gender-blind wealth and life destroyers — alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and catastrophic illness — divorce will disproportionately eviscerate the wallets, parental power, and dignity of men. Because family courts (I call them female-ly courts) generally favor women, who have overwhelmingly unfair reproductive, custody, paternity, alimony, child-support, and homestead advantages, a man’s biggest nightmare is becoming the respondent in a divorce, especially in January.
If your marriage is already teetering when December arrives, it’s time to beware the January divorce. By the Sunday of the Super Bowl, there’s a high probability that your wife will have served you divorce papers. That’s right: women bring 70% of divorce actions, to improve their odds of taking the kids and the houses.
Starting at Thanksgiving and ending on New Year’s Eve, a husband and wife whose marriage has gone flat like bad champagne typically act out an “everything’s just fine” charade for their friends, their kids, their respective families, and themselves.
Sometimes, the charading couple naively hopes that the celebrations and festivities will revive happiness of yore. Sometimes, in deceit, the wife will tell her husband that she’s happy while secretly plotting a divorce. Whatever the case, when the ball drops in Times Square, at least one of them knows that the era of their marriage is about to end.
Divorce Season
If women cared so much about marriage and family, as they always claim when you meet them, they would lobby their elected representatives to equalize the reproductive, custody, homestead, paternity, and child-support laws. Have you ever seen this happen? Never. Have you ever heard a politician promise to make this happen? Never. Women benefit from divorce, and that’s why they are happy with the anti-male status quo.
Divorce lawyers will tell you that their phones ring more during the first week of January than at any other time during the year. Affectionately known as divorce season, January is a fitting time for a marriage’s termination, considering its etymology. It is named for Janus — the Roman god of gates, doors, doorways, beginnings, and endings — who has two opposite-looking faces for simultaneously seeing the past and the future.
A man must steel — and prepare — himself for the January divorce. Imagine how it feels for an NFL quarterback to be broadsided and sacked by the opponent’s middle linebacker. Not so good, judging by the grimace on his face and the discernable limp in his gait. That’s what it feels like, emotionally and financially, to be caught unawares when a server hands you divorce papers. Don’t wait for that to happen. Get legal and financial help, now!
The Ostrich Routine
There’s no reason to be broadsided by divorce in cold January. Instead, become like Janus — in September. Look at your marriage’s recent past and decide whether it really has a future. If not, begin the exit process as soon as possible. Don’t be passive, don’t be chivalrous, don’t be a victim, and don’t engage in self-delusion. Protect yourself.
After summer vacation ends and the kids return to school, that’s when you truly know whether your marriage will last. And, that’s when you should start talking to a lawyer and an accountant. Marriage is a corporation; you, the man, are the minority shareholder. And, the more children you have, the more your minority share dwindles. Don’t compound your male disadvantage by stalling. Stay proactive.
If you pull the ostrich routine, September will quickly turn into December, and your wife will divorce you in January. She has access to Janus, too. She’s also looking behind and ahead. She wants those kids and that house — and your cash. If you are passive, she will strike first and dictate the terms and timing of your demise. She will boot you out in the cold. Ask any divorce lawyer: January is divorce month. Is that what you want?
The NoNonsense Bottom Line
Nobody wants to go through a divorce. It’s a mess for the whole family, the extended families, and all the friends — who eventually will divide into his and hers camps. But, if divorce is inevitable, fight it like a war: on the offensive, on her territory, when you are prepared. I know it sounds harsh, but the alternative is obvious, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Remember: If your marriage is dead and you haven’t filed for divorce by Halloween, and she, for some reason, doesn’t file in January, you then must confront Valentine’s Day and, two months hence, tax day — as an unhappily married couple. How much chill and self-imposed torture can you endure?
Instead, ring in the new year with good friends, have fun on the slopes, watch the Super Bowl in peace, and file your taxes as a single man — all possible when you beware, and avoid, the January divorce. To avoid divorce in the other 11 months, with complete certitude, never marry in the first place.
About the Author
Marc H. Rudov is an internationally recognized radio/TV personality and author of 70+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727), and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov is a regular guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto.
Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Copyright © 2007 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.