The Disconnected Society

There is little in life more insulting and annoying than receiving a text message about a very personal matter, when a phone conversation is necessary to resolve the issue. Yet, people in our “wired” society are increasingly refraining from talking to each other. We are well-connected electronically and disconnected emotionally. If technology is flattening our world, it also is steamrolling human connection. People are pushing the wrong buttons.

Women complain to me all the time that men are texting instead of calling them. That’s because men fear rejection. I guess it’s easier to be rejected impersonally after flirting impersonally. According to an AP/AOL poll released today, 43 percent of teens use text messages to avoid verbal expressions of uncomfortable subjects. Namely, 22 percent type their dating invitations, and 13 percent do likewise to break up. Overall, half of teens and one-fifth of adults use text messages.

What the AP/AOL poll doesn’t explain is that texting will lead to cheating. In “Female Infidelity on the Rise,” I quoted Sue Shellenberger, WSJ columnist and author of a book about the female midlife crisis, to expose women as equal-opportunity cheaters. Traditionally, men have been labeled as unfaithful dogs who can’t help but cheat because they are wired that way. Nonsense. There was a time when men worked and women didn’t; that’s when more men than women cheated. Cheating is all about exposure and opportunity — and insecurity and boredom. Now, with women comprising half the workforce and the majority of college students, they have the freedom and opportunity to cheat, and they do so in droves.

Foreplay Begins on the Phone

We haven’t seen anything, folks. I am predicting that female cheating will rise exponentially. Why? Because, by texting women, men are setting themselves up to be cheated on. In Under the Clitoral Hood, I explain that a man can seduce a woman only with his voice. Not with his money (oh, she’ll take it, but she is not sexually aroused), and certainly not with a text message.

So, if a woman ends up in bed with a guy who used his typing finger and a free meal to get her there, she will cheat on him — because she is engaging in “obligatory” sex, not lustful sex. It’s only a matter of time until she becomes bored with taking his free meals while fantasizing about other men. Ultimately, she will cheat on and leave him.

Because more and more men are using typing instead of talking to charm their paramours, they will spend more money on dates and more time regretting their negative returns on investment. If a man doesn’t talk to a woman, face-to-face or over the phone, he cannot make it clear that he’s not going to wine & dine her. And, he cannot hear in her voice that she is aroused. Foreplay begins on the phone. Omit it at your own peril.

The NoNonsense Bottom Line

Conveying one’s personal feelings impersonally — via texting — is cowardly and pathetic. Yet, it is becoming the new norm. Alas, as I mentioned above, there will be consequences. An increase in texting leads to both an increase in the cost of dating and an increase in female infidelity. Everybody has the power to stop this dysfunction. I say it will become a lot worse before, if ever, it becomes better.

If you want something important, ask for it with your voice. If you don’t want another entitled princess in your life, make it clear with your voice — in real time, not a voice message. Stop hiding like a eunuch behind technology to avoid pain today — you’ll just invite bigger pain tomorrow. Learn to confront directly, in our indirect world, with your voice.

A finger is a powerful weapon; it can push many buttons: to create text, dial a phone, and crank her engine. Ask her how she wants you to use yours.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov is an internationally recognized author of 60+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727), and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov is a regular guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto.

Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.

Copyright © 2007 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 15th, 2007 at 11:45 am and is filed under TNNM, Vox Populi. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. |  Print This Post