Miss Demeanor

As I tuned into Fox News Channel’s business shows this beautiful Saturday morning, I expected the upward-spiraling Dow Jones Industrial Average to dominate their agendas. Too boring, I guess. Instead, the hubbub was about Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the “DC Madam,” and the never-ending debate about legalizing prostitution.

To me, this debate is moot: prostitution is already legal — it’s called dating and marriage.

Palfrey, who was indicted by a federal grand jury in February on racketeering charges, ran an escort service in the DC area for 13 years from her California home. She claims it was totally legal. Frankly, I don’t understand what makes prostitution illegal.

Last night, Brian Ross of ABC’s 20/20 interviewed Ms. Palfrey because, to finance her legal defense, she had sold to ABC News a list of 10,000 “escort” clients — two of whom have been outed, one of whom resigned his high position at the US Department of State.

Said Palfrey to ABC’s Ross: “I think I empowered a lot of women. I got a lot of women through graduate school.” She also said that her female employees had included a college professor, a medical researcher, a Navy officer, a legal secretary, and a suburban realtor — who just wanted to make extra money.

How does this scenario differ from the one I described in “How to Lure a Golddigger,” in which Cristine Gomez, 21, who “dated” an older man she had met on wealthymen.com, bragged that, during their three-month tryst, this feckless dude took care of her rent, car payments, and college tuition? Cristine sincerely viewed her meal-ticket’s outlays as a natural part of their “relationship.”

What exactly is prostitution? California uses three terms to describe and define it:

• Solicitation – a misdemeanor crime also known as solicitation for prostitution, it is the act of directing or asking someone to exchange money for sexual activity, defined under Section 647(b) of the California Penal Code
• Prostitution – a misdemeanor crime that falls under the category of disorderly conduct, it is the act of exchanging money for sexual activity, defined under Section 653.20(a) of the California Penal Code
• Pandering – a felony crime committed by a third party, such as a pimp, defined under Section 266(i) of the California Penal Code as:
  • Solicitation of customers for prostitution services
  • Recruitment of prostitutes for hire.

OK. So, how does the legal definition of prostitution differ from the all-too-common relationship in which Miss Demeanor supplies increasingly frequent sex to her date or boyfriend or husband or mistress-keeper in exhange for better restaurants, pricier jewelry, shinier cars, fancier homes, trendier clothes, bigger bank accounts, and more-exotic vacations? There is no difference.

In fact, let me ask the question in the opposite way: How does prostitution differ from the situation in which Miss Demeanor supplies decreasingly frequent or no sex to her boyfriend or husband in exhange for cheap restaurants, faux jewelry, old cars, tract houses, mundane clothes, and discount vacations? Again, there is no difference.

Either way, women are using sex to MANipulate their boyfriends and husbands. But, a woman cannot MANipulate her partner unless he consents to and abides the MANipulation.

To that point, I recently conducted a sexual-manipulation poll at TheNoNonsenseMan.com. I asked men whether they typically allow women to MANipulate them with sex; I asked women if they typically use sex to MANipulate men.

I’ve been a guest on enough call-in radio shows to know that the majority of men tolerate sexual MANipulation and that the majority of women engage in it. Look no further than Valentine’s Day. Most men dread this female-centric holiday of expected/demanded generosity. Yet, they still send flowers, give candy and jewelry, and make reservations at posh restaurants. Why, if they hate it so much? Simple: fear of not getting laid. What about this dysfunction, on both sides of the transaction, is not prostitution?

Ironically, in my unscientific sexual-manipulation poll, in which 2085 men and 255 women (2340 total) participated, they both lied: 27% of the men and 24% of the women admitted caving into and playing, respectively, the MANipulation game. Based on all the contact I’ve had with men and women, I know that these poll numbers should be reversed (to 73% of men and 76% of women).

At least they lied symmetrically. Let’s face it, men don’t want to admit to the poll, or to themselves, that they cannot stand up to women. Why? Because once a man admits this weakness, he then has to ask himself the next question: now what? He knows it’s nearly impossible to change the dynamic of an existing relationship.

Once an unattached man admits he is vaginally controlled, he must radically alter his modus operandi for future women — a challenge he likely is too chicken to undertake. Moreover, the female MANipulator doesn’t care to admit her gameplaying ways, either — between the weight fluctuations and the wrinkles, she doesn’t need another source of guilt.

The Real Reality

The Catholic Church held Galileo under house arrest for the last eight years of his life, for supporting Copernicus’s antitraditional but correct conclusion that our solar system’s planets revolve around the sun. The baseball establishment, through most of the 1990s and early 2000s, considered Billy Beane and his Oakland Athletics heretics for practicing a radically antitraditional but correct way to play the game and manage the business of baseball.

By publishing Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables, I’ve tasted a little of what Galileo and Billy Beane must have experienced. Because I’ve correctly asserted that women are more sexual than men and that, therefore, men needn’t buy sex — from any woman — a lot of people, mostly men, think I’m crazy. After all, this runs counter to what we all have been taught.

Interestingly, scores of women have contacted me to say, Thank G-d someone is finally telling the truth. Others wish I would keep it a secret, so they can continue to milk men for free meals. Some male talkshow hosts are embarrassed to state its title on the air — one even confused the clitoris with the G-spot. Many guys turn red when I tell them the title. The truth is, men are not as worldly and well-versed in female sexuality as legend has it.

Even though men from as far away as New Zealand are reading Under the Clitoral Hood, many are angry about it. Why? Because a reordering of a man’s ballgame is shocking to him, like telling a right-hander he has to start the next game as a left-hander: he literally doesn’t know what to do.

Paying for sex is an easy, safe, hassle-free way to receive pleasure, or so it seems. I always find it fascinating to observe men buying sex — whether from their girlfrends or wives, or from hookers. But, as the DC Madam proved, it usually results in an unhappy ending.

The NoNonsense Bottom Line

Prostitution is not only emasculating, it is totally unnecessary. Furthermore, debating about when a situation is or is not prostitution completely disappears if one never, ever pays for sex.

Women are more sexual than men, and they crave men who are savvy and confident enough not to try to purchase them. If the first thing a man whips out when he meets a woman is his credit card, he will lose. She will be turned off sexually — but still take his largesse. He never will see her truly sexual side and continue in his false belief that men are more sexual than women.

If this sounds radical to you, it should: you weren’t raised to believe it. Instead, you were taught a lie by a society that has problems dealing with female sexuality. But, my conclusions are correct: my male and female readers overwhelmingly will validate them.

Finally, when you look at that pretty face on the pillow next to you, ask yourself one question: Is she there because she wants you or because you purchased her? If you’re totally honest with yourself, you know the answer. Now, whether or not she’s legal is a question for your lawyer.

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov is an internationally recognized author of 50+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727), and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719).

Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.

Copyright © 2007 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 5th, 2007 at 4:56 pm and is filed under TNNM. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. |  Print This Post