Dear Jennifer,

As you know, the tabloids are atwitter with rumors about the demise of your romance with Vince Vaughn. Worse, they now claim you’ve gotten yourself a boobjob — with before and after photos as supposed proof! Is this true? Nothing speaks insecurity and low self-esteem like a boobjob.

It’s hard enough to endure a breakup but even harder to do so publicly. Moreover, there are reports that Vince has been seen canoodling with another woman. Oy, more salt on the wound.

The tabloids assert that there are three reasons for your breakup with Vince:

1. Incompatibility: Vince is a beer-guzzling party animal; you are a sophisticate with a healthy lifestyle
2. Clinginess: because of the pain from Angelina Jolie catalyzing the breakup of your marriage to Brad Pitt
3. Commitment-shy: because of the speed with which Brad jumped into Angelina’s arms after departing from you.

You should know that the ‘opposites attract’ principal works for magnets, not for people. Opposites always end up driving each other crazy. You can’t change anyone but yourself. Trying to change others breeds resentment and frustration in both parties and is such a waste of life. If you don’t like the fratboy lifestyle, avoid fratboys. Don’t hook up with a man unlike you and hope or expect he will become like you. Futile! Go for the round peg in the round hole.

Heal before hooking up with someone new. Using a new paramour as a salve to heal your old wounds is bad, bad, bad. He doesn’t want to be your salve; it’s unfair to use him for that.

Would you attempt to join a CPA firm as partner if you’re not partner material? No, you have to be qualified to join. Same is true in a relationship. If you are feeling insecure when you “join” a relationship, you will tend to suck energy out of the other person, even worship him. Such behavior diminishes you and will turn him off.

Enter a new relationship only when you are already emotionally independent — so that you can be a romantically interdependent peer, an equal partner. As you have discovered, emotional dependence and clinginess kill relationships.

I recommend that you avoid relationships until you accept Jennifer Aniston, whom a lot of us like. Then, it will be easy to find like-minded, compatible men. With your looks, intelligence, talent, and sparkling personality, that should be a cinch.

If you need to talk, you know where to find me.

Good luck,
Marc

About the Author

Marc H. Rudov is an investment banker and business consultant residing in Silicon Valley, CA. He is the author of 29 articles and the book, The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth^TM (ISBN 0974501719).

Rudov’s book, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at http://www.TheNoNonsenseMan.com/.

Copyright © 2006 by Marc H. Rudov. All rights reserved.

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